Mmmmmmmike

I thought it was a phase… turns out, it’s more like a lifestyle. 

I haven’t been into the dating scene lately- I’m just not feeling it.  Unless, of course they’re darker than a brown paper bag… in which case,

 

Mmmmmmike doesn’t pass the brown paper bag test- but I figured he wasn’t horrible. 

We met for beers and tacos.

He wasn’t horrible.

Three hours later, I was ready  to go home.

He wasn’t ready.

So we went for a walk. 

He pointed out a local bar and asked if I’d ever been there before.

I had.

“Did you have their peanut butter stout?  It’s delicious.”
“No, it was after kickball.  I wasn’t feeling well, I didn’t drink.”

“Oh, well let’s go get one!”

“No thanks, It’s late and I have to be at work early.  If you want to go, have at it, I can walk back to my car by myself.”

“Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun!”

And then he grabbed the sleeve of my sweatshirt and tried to drag me.

“NO.  Thanks.  I’m tired, I want to go home.  But you can go if you’d like.”

“I’ll walk you back to your car.”

 

 

He was borderline horrible.

And then he walked me to my car, told me he had a great time, and went to hug me. 

He’s a back rubber (which I’ve always thought was completely awkward unless you were consoling someone).

And then he let out two long “mmmmm”s in my ear.