Navy Officer Update!

I may have spoken too soon on this whole Navy Officer thing. 

We’ve hung out three times in the last five days, he leaves in two days, and all I just want to spend time with him every day until he leaves. 

Yeah, I know.  That’s weird. 

It’s possible that he’s put some sort of black magic on me (because, well, he’s black) and I’m under his spell. 

Or it could just be because I know he leaves for three months and then I won’t have to deal with him. 

But seriously, he’s pretty awesome.  And by “pretty awesome” I mean

#WorstDateEver

I’ve been on a lot of first dates since moving to San Diego, but I’m pretty sure this one takes the cake. 

We’d been corresponding for about a week on Facebook… and he was kind of weird.  But I seriously was chalking it up to not being able to read a person’s emotions in writing… some things just get lost in translation. 

Well, turns out, should have trusted my gut on this one, dude was fuckin’ weird. 

So let’s go over the few things I knew about him before we went out:

· He’s been in San Diego for about seven months. 

· He “lives” in Little Italy (we’ll get into the quotation marks later) 

· He volunteers at a Christian Church most Mondays, and other days when he has time. 

· He describes himself as a wonderer- he loves just hanging out at coffee shops and on street corners just talking to people.  

· He hates Christians. And the military. And anything remotely right winged.

And then we went out.  First of all, he looked like a borderline homeless man.  Not kidding.  He single handedly mythbusted the idea that men are more attractive with beards.  He also was wearing the exact same thing he is wearing in every single picture he has on Facebook (a beanie and a red plaid button up). 

This is pretty much what he looked like.

He had me meet him at a coffee shop.  That was closed… so that was… weird… to begin with. 

We started walking toward the beach, and I’m not sure what he did, if he tripped, stumbled or what, but he grabbed onto my purse.  Twice.  And stuck his hand in it.  Twice.  (Gentleman: do not touch a woman’s purse. )

 

He tells me on the way that he spends all day talking to random people but, for some reason, just couldn’t think of anything to say to me… and then decided to make jokes about kidnapping and raping me.  AND THEN made the comment “this is just getting more and more sketchy the further from civilization we walk, isn’t it?” (we were walking towards the beach.)  WHAT?!  WHO SAYS THAT?!

 

 

On the way back from the beach, he took food from a homeless man who addressed him by name and then asked if he had a place to stay that night… (mental note that he “lives” in Little Italy).  We walked to his truck where he had a duffel bag in the bed and he said, “Everything I own is in this truck.”  (So you live in your truck in Little Italy?)

 

If I wasn’t ready to get the fuck out of dodge at this point, as we’re sitting and talking he tells me that all Christians are horrible people and he can’t wait until they don’t exist anymore- even if that means of extinction is genocide. 

Seriously.  He said that. 

Now, I realize that I’m an atheist, but so many of my good friends are Christians.  I don’t want them dead just because they believe in an imaginary man in the sky!  So we argued over that for a solid 20 minutes  before he finally says, “I’m surprised you disagree with me on this point.”

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, HITLER!

 

He then proceeded to tell me that I was uninteresting, a bad conversationalist, flat, and void of any emotion. 

When I finally got back to my car, he told me I was very uncomfortable to be around and not fun.  I just looked at him with a fake smile and said, “welp, have a good night.  Be careful, out there, there are a lot of crazies!"

 

 

The Navy Officer

Usually I have something bad to say about these guys and there is not a single thing I could say about the Navy Officer.  He’s funny.  His arms. 

He could be a couple inches taller, but realistically, I could still wear heels when I’m with him and it wouldn’t be a problem.  He drives one of my favorite cars, he has a nice apartment in gas lamp, and he’s an all-around great guy.  We’ve gone out a few times (yes!  I’ve actually seen him more than once!) and will probably hang out a few more times before he leaves. 

He leaves the beginning of May.  For three months.  Maybe four. 

So yes, I like him, but I don’t like him enough to only like him for three or four months while he’s gone.  

 

A Whole New World.

Riff Raff, street rat, I don’t buy that.

I’m not gonna lie.  When I first met Aladdin, he kinda freaked me out.  Long hair in a ponytail, with his side and back hair-line shaved off (which I still don’t quite understand, but I do have every intention of asking him). He seemed nice enough, but never really smiled or joked around.  And anytime I would dance with another guy, he’d STARE. US. DOWN.  And then seem even more pissed off for the rest of the night.

 

You aint never had a friend like me.

And then we started hanging out with Aladdin outside of Ale.  (Though, he was still working, but at least it was at a place where we could actually talk to him.) He was fun.  He was goofy.  He was no longer scary… even when he tried to be.  We exchanged phone numbers.  We became friends.  He even came to one of my kickball games to cheer the team on (even though he was supposed to play but didn’t because his “knee was sore”).  In fact, he is even childhood friends with one of my fellow ball kickers.  (Back to how San Diego is freaking small!)

Prince Ali- mighty is he- Ali Ababwa

We had a routine- Aladdin and myself.  On Fridays, we’d say hi to each other, he’d do his rounds, but he’d always make his way back over to hang out or to dance with us.  And then, with about an hour left in the night, he’d make his way over to us for good.  We’d dance.  We’d laugh.  We’d make fun of all the other white people around us being drunk and dumb.  As the weeks progressed, he’d get a little more comfortable with me… dancing a little more, putting his hands on my waist, grabbing my hands, etc.  And at the end of the night, he’d always hug me good-bye, kiss me on the top of the head and then text me to make sure I got home ok.

 

 

I can show you the world, shining shimmering splendid

We all knew this was coming.  Or, at least assumed the day would get here eventually… We had been texting all day but I didn’t tell him that Charlii and I were planning on going out (and he wasn’t expecting it, it was a Tuesday).  The bar was basically dead (until the time they were going to shut down, then a bunch of people showed up to dance and so they just kept playing music).  It was basically like a Friday.  He’d go do his stuff, and then would come back to hang out with us.  But since there was barely anyone there, we had more time to talk.  He kept rubbing my back and my shoulders, and just to test the waters, I grabbed his hand and held it while we were talking (so yes, I definitely brought it on myself).  With about 10 minutes until the bar closed, he started massaging my shoulders, and slowly moving us away from the rest of the crowd.  And then he tried to turn me around a time or two and I looked at him and said, “I’m not kissing you in Ale.  I’m sorry.  If you want to do this, you’re going to have to see me outside of this place.  We’re not pulling a Charlii and Pikachu.” 

Tell me princess now when did you last let your heart decide .

And when the lights came on, and I denied him a second time, he followed me outside.  And then walked around towards my car with me.  It was at this point that I realized that he wasn’t going to let me go without getting what he wanted.  I went to give him a quick kiss and he looked at me and said, “that’s it?  No way.  Give me a real kiss.”   I definitely fought it at first (we were in the alley for Christ’s sake!) and then I realized that there was no reason to fight it… and then it wasn’t so bad.  

(That sounds way worse than it was.  It was enjoyable. Hah)  Now to see where this goes…

The Pros and Cons of Going Out on a Tuesday.

Going out on Tuesday when you have to work on Wednesday morning is not for the faint of heart. 

And if at all possible, it’s a good idea to be proactive and take a nap beforehand… but be forewarned: sometimes even that doesn’t help.

Last night was BCarr’s birthday.  And since he came out for my birthday, I felt like it was only fair that I also went out for his.  Even if it was a Tuesday. 

 

 

PRO: There is an abundance of parking on Tuesdays because no one goes out.

PRO: There’s no line to get in… but it turns out, it doesn’t matter because  the bouncer checking IDs recognized us and let us go right in. (Cue Drake’s Started from the Bottom)

CON: It’s a Tuesday, so there isn’t anyone out- which means there isn’t a lot of great people watching. 

PRO: Sometimes you luck out and there’s an old couple getting down on the dance floor.  (We were definitely lucky last night.  The woman definitely started taking off layers the more that she danced.)

PRO: Because there is a lot less going on, there’s definitely more time to mingle with the other regulars and build better friendships with the DJs, security guards, and bartenders. 

PRO: The music is a little quieter, the dance floor is A LOT less crowded, and everyone just kind of lets loose.

 And then I made out with Aladdin. 

 

Zoom Zoom Zoe

Please meet Zoe, the newest member of my family.  To say I'm in love is an understatement. 

 

 

ZOOM ZOOM.

Learning to Grow Some Balls

I have a work function next month and I really want to invite GQ to it.

But in order to invite GQ to said work function...I have to grow the BALLS to do so. 

And for some reason, I have no balls when it comes to him.  I don't even have marbles...

Let's be real- I'm going to end up chickening out and going alone.