Why You Don't Include Your Face in Dick Pics...

Last Christmas while bored at home, one of my best friends and I (he's gay) were perusing Grindr.  Out of the blue, this guy sends a dick pic. 

We were so flabbergasted/appalled that it instantly became a joke between us (and anyone else we would randomly want to scar and send it to). 

 

Let me give you a visual without really giving you a visual:

He has the messiest Jew fro you've ever seen.

His eyes look like little beady raccoon eyes.

He's not even remotely groomed (top or bottom head).

Both nipples are pierced (missed this for the first few months- it took us a while to grow accustomed to it and able to look at it for more than 1.3 seconds.

NO man-scaping what-so-ever.

And his penis is just flaccid. 

Just hanging out.

In fact, he looks just like a dude, standing in front of someone, waiting for them to tell him what to do.

 

I have a friend who likes to send ridiculous Snapchats all the time.  Old, obese women pouring ranch on their tits on the bar (literally, bar holding up the boobs because they sag so much), white trash women with rotting teeth talking about sex while licking her lips... just utter trainwrecks.  The type of Snapchats you love to hate. 

 

Anyway, today is his birthday and I decided to send him our naked man. 

And then this happened. 

(Warning: You're about to see peen.  And it's not pretty)

 

And this is why you don't include your face in dick pics- you might end up on a blog one day.