Learning to Grow Some Balls

I have a work function next month and I really want to invite GQ to it.

But in order to invite GQ to said work function...I have to grow the BALLS to do so. 

And for some reason, I have no balls when it comes to him.  I don't even have marbles...

Let's be real- I'm going to end up chickening out and going alone.

The One That Got Away.

I met Fitch when we worked together at, you guessed it, Abercrombie and Fitch in college. 

 

 

We were always just friends.  When I was single he had a girlfriend and when he was single I had a boyfriend.  But we were great friends. 

 

 

When we would have to work over-nights, we’d sit in the back room folding clothes together having epic conversations about music, religion, and politics.  We’d share our favorite bands and songs, make each other mixed tapes with new music, and tease one another when our music tastes got to be too emo. 

 

 

Of course, there was also the constant partying and insane nights that go along with college… but nothing ever happened between us.  

 

 

Shortly after we quit, we lost touch.  He moved across the country for a bit, I finished school, we did our thing.  And then we reunited at a baby shower in 2008. 

Yes, a baby shower.  My best friend is bad ass and had a keg at her bbq baby shower so the guys would want to come.  Fitch and I sat inside and talked for hours that day.  Kept in touch for months after that, and then he joined the Air Force.  

A few years into him being in the Air Force I heard from him again- this time he was married with a baby on the way and about to be deployed to Afghanistan.  We emailed back and forth a few times until he left and then lost touch again. 

 

He’s in town for training for four weeks.  I got to hang out with him Friday.  I told him if it doesn’t work out with wife number one, I’d like to be considered for wife number two.  And yes, of course I was drunk when that happened. 

Breaking Down Barriers...Kinda

Remember when I first met Matt and wanted to be best friends with him?  I still really want to be best friends with him.  I even tried.  I invited him to play with the ballkickers last week- but the lights ended up not working at the field so we couldn’t play.  But he did show up!

 

 

Even after making a big deal about “might” having plans. C’mon Matt, we both know when someone says, “I might have plans, I’ll let you know” it actually means, “I asked a girl out, I’m waiting to hear back to see if she wants to hang out that night or a different night.”

Seriously, you don't gotta lie.

 

I just want to be best friends.  Perhaps I shouldn’t have slept with him.  …or his roommate for that matter. 

 

Birthday Weekend Part Deux

Faith came to town last weekend to help celebrate my birthday.  Good news:  

It was a whirlwind and a shitshow, but I remember enough to leave you with these tidbits:

Friday while walking back from Sunset Cliffs, some old dude on a motorcycle yelled and made sexual movements towards us as he drove by.  Twenty minutes later, we waved to him as we drove by him on the side of the road with his broke down motorcycle. 

On the way home from that, I asked Faith to text people to figure out our game plan for the night- while she was doing so, my slut of a mother sends a text to me that says,

“I just sent Idaho a picture of my cooch.”

“Mom, this is Faith.  I just read that out loud to Karsen.  She says she hopes that you waxed.”

I had a random guy on my couch on Saturday inform me that he was, in fact, the sexiest white man I had ever met.  He also let me know that I was going to be up all night long thinking about him; that I was going to lose sleep over letting him get away. 

This is the same man that, twenty minutes prior, was passing out on my couch (ya know, doing the head bob) and then randomly wakes up and says, “I’m having crazy de ja vu about this right here.  I’ve dreamt about this before!”

No shit dude, you were just asleep on my couch.  You probably “dreamt” it right now!

 

 

Sunday was probably the most fun day I’ve ever had in San Diego.  We hiked Cabrillo in the morning (if you haven’t done this before, I strongly suggest that you do- it’s beautiful!) and then headed out to PB to get some Empanadas (Papa Luna’s is the best!!) and to have a drink at the bar Aladdin works at when he’s not at Ale. 

One of Charlii’s friends met us there and bought us our third round of drinks.  After a few hours of laughing and drinks, we decided it was time to move on to the next bar.  I met the man of my dreams, asked him to leave his girlfriend for me, and had the most delicious cucumber margarita ever.  And after a few margaritas and beers at that bar, we decided it was time to smoke.   And then we headed down to PB Cantina to hang out with B Carr and Chuck.  Did I mention it was 80 degrees outside and beautiful?

What a wonderful weekend!

 

 

DAMN. IT.

After the last time I hooked up with Matt-tastic I told myself I would stop.  No reason other than the fact that the sex isn’t great and I feel like it’s just time to move on.  I was doing well.  (Well, kinda.)  I lasted a solid five months.

And then he showed up at Ale on Friday night and the gig was up. 

 

 

 

(Mind you, he texted me first to make sure I was going to be there and showed up by himself- he was a man on a mission.)

The sad thing is, I hadn’t even seen him since the last time we hooked up, so it’s not like I’ve ever told the kid “no.” (That’s a lie, I’m pretty sure I’ve told him “no” once… and then I didn’t see him for five months.)

I still think it needs to stop.  It would be different if the sex was better (like with Salty- who hit me up that night when I was already at Matt’s house- DAMN IT) but no feelings and mediocre sex feels like a waste of time.  I’d rather be at home, hung-over in my own bed, with my vibrator. 

Also, boys, just a quick heads up: no girl wants to hook up with you when there’s a picture (framed portrait style) of another girl in your room.  Salty has one of his ex (somewhat understandable since he admits to still being in love with her) and Matt’s is of his sister.

Mmmmmmmike

I thought it was a phase… turns out, it’s more like a lifestyle. 

I haven’t been into the dating scene lately- I’m just not feeling it.  Unless, of course they’re darker than a brown paper bag… in which case,

 

Mmmmmmike doesn’t pass the brown paper bag test- but I figured he wasn’t horrible. 

We met for beers and tacos.

He wasn’t horrible.

Three hours later, I was ready  to go home.

He wasn’t ready.

So we went for a walk. 

He pointed out a local bar and asked if I’d ever been there before.

I had.

“Did you have their peanut butter stout?  It’s delicious.”
“No, it was after kickball.  I wasn’t feeling well, I didn’t drink.”

“Oh, well let’s go get one!”

“No thanks, It’s late and I have to be at work early.  If you want to go, have at it, I can walk back to my car by myself.”

“Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun!”

And then he grabbed the sleeve of my sweatshirt and tried to drag me.

“NO.  Thanks.  I’m tired, I want to go home.  But you can go if you’d like.”

“I’ll walk you back to your car.”

 

 

He was borderline horrible.

And then he walked me to my car, told me he had a great time, and went to hug me. 

He’s a back rubber (which I’ve always thought was completely awkward unless you were consoling someone).

And then he let out two long “mmmmm”s in my ear.

 

My Favorite Month!

Seriously, though.

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!