Here We Goooo...

Saturday:
Lenny and I met at my favorite barcade at 7:30.  We talked, had a few drinks, kissed, held hands, and tried to go to Mexico. 

When that fell through, we went back to his house and watched Little Miss Sunshine.  No, seriously, we WATCHED Little Miss Sunshine.  Well, until we both passed out (fully clothed) right before it ended. 

Sunday:
We wake up around 9am and decide that we're gong to go to breakfast.  And then breakfast turned into a bottomless mimosa brunch... that started at ten.  We invited a few friends, the drinks started flowing, and before long (actually, it wasn't very long at all, maybe an hour) the mimosas turned into straight champagne.  And then it was 2:00 and the champagne was gone.

So we moved to the next spot.  Before I knew it, I was having problems walking straight and it was 5:30.  We made our way to the Mexican place, got ourselves burritos, and stumbled back to his house. 

Within seconds I was  pantless and passed out on his bed. 
(My phone had died pretty early in the day, so he was quite the trooper and plugged it in for me after I passed out.)

I woke up at 9:30, realized we had been together for 26 hours and I had to work in the morning; I let him know I was leaving and bounced. 

Tuesday:
He texted me in the morning letting me know he found me a couch and said he'd drop it off after the Padres game.  Conveniently enough, I was also going to the Padres game (sepearately, and we didn't meet up; though I did see him and we texted through the whole thing). 

After the game, he brought the (sleeper!) sofa, moved it in, took the burrito I bought him after the game, and kissed me good-bye. 

So, if all else fails, at least I got a couch out of this whole deal... but I think in addition to the couch I got a crush. 

Love Me Some Lenny

I’ve had my eyes on Lenny for two kickball seasons (plus the season that we took off)…so basically 30 weeks.
(Holy shit, that’s half of a freaking year.  That’s crazy!)

Anyway, Lenny was the pitcher on one of the other teams in the league… and he is the epitome of sexy.  He’s tall, dark, dreads, lip rings, tattoos and gauged ears. He satiates my jungle fever and my love for punk rock boys. 

Our team played his team several times, and of course, I missed those games for whatever reason. 

And then I decided to take the summer off (as did most of the team) and guess what- he got put on our team.  Talk about the worst case of FOMO I’ve ever had.

So, like any normal person, I immediately messaged the only remaining teammate from the previous season and told her to get me ALL of the details.  I got a quick response back: super cute, fun, and single. 

And then, a couple weeks later, she sends me this message, “OMG, I messed up!!! I texted the wrong Karsen.  I was out with Lenny last night and he totally wanted to hang out with you”

Apparently, she was talking to him about “kickball crushes” and brought me up, he was interested, and wanted to invite me out.  But she messaged the wrong person. 

A couple more weeks passed, and she messaged me again to let me know that the season is almost over- but they were going to need a sub for the following game.  So, I showed up in my hot pink shirt ready to play…even though they didn’t end up needing me.

As I walked up I realized I should have had a couple drinks before I left the house because I was all of a sudden super nervous.  Like, butterflies and frogs and everything.  (SO out of character for me!) And then I got there and didn’t know what to say to him, so I just avoided him…well, I didn’t AVOID him, I just talked to everyone BUT him… until I realized that he had alcohol in his Gatorade… then I became his best friend… and a lot more talkative.

After the game, just about everyone said they were going to go home, except him who kept asking if anyone wanted to go out.  I volunteered myself to go, and then two of his teammates followed suit.  We ordered a pitcher of beer and a round of shots, and before I knew it, we were flirting, his arm was around me, and we were exceptionally close.  He told me we were matched on a dating website (he said Tinder, but I think he’s wrong) and I asked him why he didn’t message me.  He swore up and down that he did, and told me what my profile picture looked like, “You’re on the beach with sunglasses on, and the sun is shining on you.” <wrong> 

He didn’t believe that I didn’t have a picture that looked like that, so he picked up his phone and pulled up my Facebook.  (Spelled my name correctly and everything!!) And showed me the picture he was talking about. 

We left the first bar and headed over to the second bar, he bought my drink, we sat down next to each other, and again, his arm was around me, and I was leaning over him as we picked out a karaoke song to sing together.  As we (flirted and) waited for our turn, I told him I hated him, and he said, “Your hand is on the inside of my leg; I’m pretty sure you don’t hate me.” So I took my hand off, put it in my own lap, he grabbed it, put it back and said, “I didn’t say I didn’t want it there.”

Olivia and her friend showed up (she was subbing for his team) and we ordered another round of drinks.  And then he kissed me.  We went to sing our song, our friends left, and then we realized it was getting late, so we decided to get home as well.  He walked me to my car (hand in hand) and then I dropped him off at his bike.  He gave me his number, told me to text him when I got home, and kissed me good-bye. 

And then we made plans to hang out on Saturday. 

Loving Life

Sometimes, you just have to get out of town- even when you live in sunny San Diego. 

 

Luckily, I live close to things and have a wonderful partner in crime who is willing to go on random adventures with me.

 

We met hilarious new guys, ate delicious food, rode rollercoasters, and got to hang out in beautiful Santa Monica.

 

Go ahead and be envious of my life- I totally understand.

Smitten Kitten

Rico came to stay with my for the fourth of July. 

(I get giddy just thinking about it.... so let me Tarantino this shit: it went perfectly. But this is also the time to reiterate the fact that Rico is a complete gentleman.  This will be a completely PG-13 movieoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii)

 

He came down Wednesday night and we went to a bonfire with some friends- he made me s'mores, we watched the fireworks, and had a good time just hanging out.  I didn't have any furniture in the house (we'll discuss the horrible roommates I've had later), so we made some drinks, sat on the floor, packed the bong, turned on music, and played Monopoly. 

 

And so it began.  We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning; drinking, smoking, talking, laughing.  We fell asleep cuddling and, for the first time in my entire life, woke up cuddling. And didn't have sex.  (And still think it was perfect!!)

 

Thursday we woke up, explored the neighborhood a little bit, got some coffee, grabbed some Mexican food, and went to the beach.

 

We played in the water, photo-bombed a wedding, and slept in the sand.  Hand in hand.  Because the whole weekend was perfect.  After the beach we got all pretty and went to The Godfather. (If you haven't been to this restaurant, GO.  Now.  You can come back and finish reading this post later.)  When we got home, we laid in bed talking until we fell asleep. 

 

We woke up bright and early on the 4th and started taking shots.  Walked down the street to feed Olivia's pussy, and then went to the bar to start drinking. 

 

 

We headed back to the house, smoked a bowl, changed out of our matching outfits and got ready for the Padres Giants game.  (Rico's sole flaw is his horrible taste in baseball and football teams.) We cabbed it downtown, added our flask of whiskey to our Big Gulp, and walked around downtown...after we sat in Bub's at the Ballpark for a couple hours drinking.  (Almost forgot about that part!!)

 

As we walked around multiple people commented on our cuteness.  (Because seriously.  We're fucking adorbs.)  We sat near a bunch of Giants fans which was great for him... and he sat with his arm around me the entire time.  In fact, we were touching at all points of time.  The whole time he was here.  If we were within arms (or legs!) reach, we were touching. 

 

Imagine the most romantic Nicholas Sparks 4th of July movie.  This next part was exactly that:

After the game we headed to the beach for fireworks (and more drinking). And did I mention the whole weekend was perfect?  We sat in the sand watching the fireworks (all of the fireworks in San Diego!) on the beach. 

 

 

With his arm around me.  Kissing. 

We laid back and watched the end of the show and continued to stay there as the other people cleared off the beach. 

 

 

About 15 minutes after the show ended, we kissed and a rogue firework went off.  At the exact moment that we kissed.  And when I smiled and said, "awww, we get another fireworks show," more fireworks went off and he said, "we've seen enough fireworks, I want to continue making our own."

(I told you!!!)

 

He left the next morning and went back to LA.  And my crush is growing daily. 

It's Going Down...

I'm yelling Tinderrrrr!

 

Tinder is hands down my favorite dating app... not because I find a ton of dates on it, but because it is the most hilarious thing ever imagined.  Basically, it's connected to your Facebook, so you can only add pictures that are on Facebook.  You can have up to like 6 pictures, and can add a little blurb about yourself at the bottom.  It has access to your friends and the things you like.  Basically, you just swipe through pictures and if you like someone, and they like you, you can message back and forth with them.  So the good thing, is that the only people that can message you are the people you allow to message you.   The best thing, is I can waste half of my work day swiping through pictures.  Here are some gems:

 

 

 

Riiiiiiiiicooooo

Rico and I have a history.  A long and decorated history. 

Physically, he’s not what I would pick out of a crowd.  But, that’s the joy of getting to know someone in a completely platonic sense.  He, seriously, is what I would consider a perfect gentleman.  Perfect in every single way that matters.

After Cole and I broke up, Rico and I had a few moments.  They started as long glances in close quarters and slowly (ever so slowly) worked up to fully clothed make out sessions.  The first time we kissed, actually, was on Cole’s birthday the year I moved away from Sacramento.  It was heart stopping- and not just because Cole walked over to where we were right as we broke apart. 

And then I moved away.

We’ve kept in slight contact throughout the years (read: social media) but I have only seen him once or twice in the past three years.

 

I drove to Sacramento last weekend for his cousin’s wedding.  Originally, he was going to drive up with me (he’s living in LA for the time being) but ended up having to work Friday night, so he flew in Saturday morning, and I got to pick him up from the airport. 

Too excited to contain myself, I parked my car and went inside looking for him before he made his way outside.  As I made my way to him, and he turned and saw me, he dropped his bags, ran to me, wrapped his arms around me, picked me up, and didn’t let me go for a solid six seconds.  (His hugs are just as good as I remember.)

I dropped him off, went home and got ready, and vowed that I was going to make something happen at the wedding- no matter how small. 

When we showed up to the wedding, he was already there, we rolled down the windows to yell at him and a few of our other friends as we pulled up, but by the time we parked and walked over, he was taking family pictures.  We chit chatted with some of our other friends and made our way to the bar.  We ordered drinks, took a couple shots, and Rico walked up with his mom and little sister.  We ordered another round of drinks and then went to find our seats in the dining hall.  As we walked back out to join the party, we passed him again and he grabbed me around the waist, put a hand around my neck, kissed my cheek and told me I looked stunning.

 

After dinner, we were all outside and one of our friends was asking if she could marry Rico so she could adopt his mom and sister.  He agreed, but only if he could have sister wives because he wanted to marry me, too.

 

And then, as I was leaving, and saying my goodbyes, we hugged, he promised the next time he had two consecutive days off he’d come stay with me, and then kissed me goodbye.  It was beautiful.  And glorious.  And perfect.  

 

I’ve invited him to a birthday bbq I’m going to this weekend- Cross your fingers he can make it. 

Lesby Honest

I am a supporter, an ally, a fighter, a champion, but I am in no way curious. 

I met a lesbian at my cousins’ wedding last weekend.  She seemed super fun, funny, she smokes, we could totally hang out and chill.  And we did smoke, hang out, and chill at the wedding.  And she seemed super cool so I gave her my number, added her on the appropriate social media sites, and went about my business. 

And then she started texting me.  I didn’t think too much of it at first, we talked about hanging out and smoking or going out and getting drinks.  And then things started getting increasingly more... Friendly. By the end of the week, I definitely felt like I was texting with a guy who was interested and not a new friend; she got defensive when I made comments about how she’s still young (“I’m only four years younger than you, that’s nothing!”), offered to teach me how to play the guitar, invited me to watch her play a few songs with a band on Saturday night, and offered to buy my first round of drinks. 

 

Luckily, I had other friends (and family) going to the show, so I went with them.  We met at a friends’ house, took a few shots, smoked a few bowls, and headed over.
On the way, Lesby’s ex girlfriend and I were talking and she, with a very stern face, looked at me and said, “Just watch out for her.”

 

When we get to the bar, Lesby is in the corner and being super loud and obnoxious.  And drunk.  Her ex turns around and says "oh no. She's really drunk. Be careful" and looked directly at me when she said "be careful."

Leslie walks over and as she's passing me, puts her hand on my side... But it's super high, so she's like, basically cupping my boob. Then she gives me a hug. Buys me a drink. And like, won't walk further than like, 5 feet from me. She kept reaching back and touching me, rubbing my back, pinching my butt...And, for like, the first time in my life, I was so taken aback, I didn’t know how to react. She was being more forward than any man I had ever met…And of course everyone else is dyyyyyying laughing at me.

 

We go outside to smoke, and I’m talking with the girls and everyone’s laughing and telling me to watch my back because Lesby’s coming after me.  And then her ex says, “I’m sorry, this is my fault.  She mentioned to me that she was going to try and get you to go home with her, I told her you clearly were straight and weren’t interested, and I think she took that as a challenge.  I tried to tell her that you didn’t even come off as curious, I, on the other hand, was curious, but you’re definitely strictly dickly.”

 

We go back inside and after she was done playing, Lesby finds me, is shmammered, and is being even worse than before. The girls I came with are standing in front of us and Lesby says to me "so, are you going to go home with them tonight? Or, do you wanna come back with me? Smoke, chill, drink some beers, and like, just chill?" And with a blank face say "I'm going home with them."

 

 

 

 

By this point, one of our friends is singing with the band, so I'm trying to video her. And this bitch stands behind me, is pinching my ass, rubbing my back, grabbing my arm... I look at her and say "can you stop, please?" She gets all huffy and walks off. For two seconds, then tries to get me to follow her. I do not.

So, she like uses her body to push me to the side saying "come here come here" and says "so it's going to be like that? Maybe you should just leave. If it's going to be like that"

I give her my signature “bitch, you’re fucking crazy” look and walk outside to meet the rest of my group.  We hung out outside for about five minutes trying to decide if we were going to stay or move onto the next place when I look at my phone and see that I have three missed calls from Lesby. Three.  In five minutes. 

And then we left.

And then I woke up on Sunday morning to five texts from her ranging from “glad you came out last night” to “talking shit about me to my ex, that’s what’s up” to “dammmmmmmmmmmnit I really liked you too, shitty how it ended up.”

This weekend served as a good lesson for me- even if I could get over the whole distaste for vagina thing, I could NEVER be a lesbian because bitches be crazy.