Busted!

The beautiful black man on my kickball team is texting me. 

I get super excited anytime a text comes in... and usually, when he says something that makes him sound even remotely interested in me, I screen shot it and send it to Sofia and Olivia. 

 

So yesterday, I get this text from him:

 

 

Yes, I realize that this isn't much to get excited over, but I'm a girl.  So, naturally, I screen shot the convo to send it to Olivia. 

 

 

 

Except, as you see.. I didn't send it to Olivia at all.  I sent it right back to him.  Luckily, I can think on my toes, and sent him a couple pictures from the Kings game a well... And then my phone died while they were sending. 

 

And he totally called me out on it!

 

So, I played it off as well as I could.

 

 

It didn't work. 

 

 

Nights in PB

Everybody says that PB sucks... which I can completely understand if you lack a sense of humor.

Seriously, that place is fucking comedy gold.  

Someone recently told Charlii at an after party, "You're the kind of woman I like: beautiful and doesn't say shit."

Earlier in the night, that same guy had taken me into his bedroom to smoke.  (I tried to get Mr. Matt to come in with us, but dude straight slammed the door in his face.) As we sat there he asked what I did... when I mentioned PP he decided it was necessary to share with me his entire sexual health history up to and including being tested for STDs and for things shoved up his penis.  

Oh, and the girl that I watched get naked while playing strip wii bowling on my birthday tried to be friends with us at the bar one night.  

Someone showed up to an after party wearing a hideous gold 49ers jacket and someone turned to us and said, "He's obviously trying to get beat up." 

Also, an observation, deliman's "wifey" took his car, so he's driving Matt's around...

And to top it off, one morning starting the walk of shame, I got stuck in the boys' house.  We got home the night before and Chadwick made a comment about their ghetto ass front door.  

The next morning, I couldn't find the knob at all.  Either of them.  I had to Macguyer my way out of the house.  Thank God no one was watching.

A New Kind of Dating Website

So, I've been thinking about this a lot recently- so, if you know how to make a website and want in on this- contact me. 

Let's start a new dating website that is kind of like Yelp!  After a date (or a few) you can leave comments and rate the person you went on a date with.  You can give just an overall score, or you can give specific scores (looks, looks relative to profile pictures, fun had, quality of date, etc.) And then, the best part- you would be able to leave actual reviews.  

You want some examples?  Ok, I got you!  Maybe you can guess who they are!

His profile pictures must have been taken over the course of five years because he is fully clothed in all but one; this guy doesn't wear a shirt unless he has to.  Had he better represented that aspect of his appearance in his profile, I probably would have been able to tell that he's not nearly as hot as he thinks he is.  Now, don't get me wrong, he is attractive and has a decent body, but he's not the business.  Which, coincidentally, is what he named his penis.  (Not kidding) You don't have to ask to see a picture of it, he's pretty proud of it and will send you pictures daily if your heart desires.  I didn't send any back, but I image in you did he'd send even more.  (In case you're wondering, it's pretty good sized.  But again, not as big as he thinks it is.) 

His manscaping abilities are impressive but he also shaves his arm pits... which is weird unless you're a model...again, not as attractive as he thinks he is.

Luckily his face isn't stuck in that horrible "blue steel" look he has in all of his pictures.  Though, if you take any sober pictures with him he makes the face.  Just a forewarning.  He's a self proclaimed make-out bandit... which basically means that even if he goes out with you, he might make out with another girl.  So keep a close eye on him, ladies!  His penis is bigger than you'd expect... but that's only if he's sober enough to get it up.  Unless you're ready to party every night of the week and want to end up with a 40 year old that looks 80 because of all the drugs, I'd probably stay away from this one... even though, deep down, he is a pretty good guy.  

Seriously, let's make this shit happen.