Spladow!

"Well, he was cuter than I expected..." Charli and I sat on her bed as I recounted the tale of my harrowing blind date . "Tall, good teeth, but... he was a little feminine. Well, maybe not feminine, but definitely soft spoken. He was funny, had a very dry sense of humor... but definitely funny. I'd for sure hang out with him again... but his penis will probably never meet my vagina."

"Not even pen pals?"

"Nope. Not even pen pals."

"Well what did you guys do? Did he hold good conversation? Ask good questions?"

"Yeah, great conversation, good questions. We kind of just walked around a bit, then drove to Sunset Cliffs for the sunset, and then headed out to Taco Tuesday. Like I said, it was a good time. I'd hang out with him again... but only if he understands and accepts the fact that we will just be friends. He can't fall in love with me."

"And that's where you're going to run into the problem."

"Yep. They always fall in love."

"You know, most girls would kill to have that problem."

"And I'm not most girls."

I smiled as my phone vibrated next to me. I unlocked it and opened the text from Ricardo (Charli's nickname for mr. blind date) "You are spladow as all hell." I read it twice and looked at Charli, "Do you know what spladow means?"

"Spladow? no. What the hell? What did the text say?" I read it back to her and looked at her quizzically. She pulled out her phone to Google it, started laughing hysterically and showed it to me:

"What the fuck? How am I that? Hold on..." I opened his conversation and quickly typed out, "ummm, what?" before giving Charli another quizzical look. "Should I be offended right now? Like, how do I take that? Are there other definitions?"

"Nope, that's pretty much it... can apply to throwing semen at someone...to fuck something up... or a word of exclamation during sex."

"WHAT. THE. FUCK?" Just then my phone went off again. "Oh God, I'm kind of scared for this one."

"u know, spluh. dow. or so damn fine."

"well, at least he thinks you're hot not covered in ejaculate."

"Well that's good since I have no intention of coming into contact with his penis...or his ejaculate."

"Are you going to tell him that he's using that word incorrectly?"

"Meh. He's a big boy, let him figure it out on his own."