YAAAASSSSSS

I did it. 

With this post, I have successfully reached my goal of writing at least one more blog post per month more than last year. 

I can’t believe I’ve survived another year.

 

I can’t believe I’m going to turn 30 next year.  THIRTY.

 

This past year has been amazing; I’ve made some amazing new friends, I’ve seen amazing things, went on vacation, started working out more (though, “more” isn’t a lot since I never did anything before).

 

I’ve watched a handful of my friends score their dream jobs and move away to do what they love.  I have a job that I love. I wouldn’t consider it my dream job yet, but I think it definitely has the potential to move in that direction. 

I met a boy (gasp!). And I haven’t even gotten sick of him yet (even bigger gasp!).

So what does that mean for 2015?

I’m not making any lofty goals this year.  This year I just want to enjoy it.  That may mean that the blog will be on hiatus.  (Which, is probably a good thing, because the better my life is, the less time I have to write.) Who knows.  Maybe I’ll write even more.

It’s been real.  And it’s been fun.  And I can’t wait to see what the next adventure brings.

KC

Barney Brief

I talked to Barney last night for the first time in months. 

 

Ok, slight lie- I talked to him briefly on the phone a couple weeks ago, but that was only because I answered the phone to tell him I was at a Christmas party and couldn’t talk; I’m not counting it. 

 

Lenny and I have been hanging out, dating, whatever you want to call it for five months now.  It’s the first time I’ve actually talked to Barney in over five months.  And somehow, nothing has changed between us. 

We still make jokes about my brother, talk about how things between us just worked (really well) except for the whole distance thing

 

 I made fun of how dumb he is… “so I hear you’re not coming home for Thanksgiving anymore?”…”Barney, it’s the end of December.” And just got off the phone feeling a little better about life. 

I miss him; but I couldn’t be happier with where I am.

Today, it’s the simple things in life.

A Public Service Announcement

I'm not good with serious.  I've never been good with serious.  But this is serious. 

 

I found out recently (yesterday) that my brother has been hitting his girlfriend.  His pregnant girlfriend.  In the face. 

 

And my parents know that this has happened and haven't done anything about it. 

 

To say I'm disgusted with the situation would be an understatement. 

 

My mom brought it up yesterday in the most infuriating nonchalant manner that I almost thought she was exaggerating.  And then explained that when my brother drinks he uses his girlfriend as a (and this is a direct quote) "punching bag" ...and then shamed his girlfriend for encouraging him to take shots with her friends on her 21st birthday. 

 

NO. 

 

This is absolutely not ok.  And the worst part about it- is my mom is just sitting back and letting this happen.  IN.  HER.  HOUSE. 

 

 

Growing up, the ONE THING my mother taught me was to never let a man treat me like that.  And here she is, letting HER SON treat the mother of HER GRANDCHILD like that in HER HOUSE.

 

I am so disgusted.

 

And taking the money I would have spent on them for Christmas and donating to their local women's refuge for abused and sexually assaulted women. 

 

Seriously though, if you're in an abusive relationship, GET THE FUCK OUT. It's not worth it and you're worth so much more.

 

The national domestic violence hotline number is: 1-800-799-7233

There are people out there willing to help you; you're not alone.

 

That Awkward Moment...

This post is about a month late... but I completely forgot about it until now.

After we decided we were done with Ale House, we decided we were going to go there for Halloween (told you it's a #latepost!).  The problem with that was that Lenny was coming with us and before this, I'd NEVER taken a boy there. I'd met up with Fitch and Matt there, left with Salty, and been undressed with Aladdin's eyes for the past year...but I had never shown up with a guy before.

And then I showed up with Lenny. Surprisingly, Salty still got all of us in, my favorite bartender still hooked up my drink and our spot up by the DJ was open. Everything was great until I felt Aladdin' s eyes bearing into me.

Then shit got awkward.

Of course when Lenny is drunk he's all over me...and he was trashed. Normally I don't mind, but I could SEE Aladdin killing him with eyes.

And then he started dancing with Charlii while staring straight at me.

And then he disappeared. I thought I was off the hook and  maybe he'd go work a different area... and then I felt his hands around my waist and his crotch all over my ass.

And then we left because I was done.

Why So Serious?

Four months. 

Lenny and I have been dating for four months now and until yesterday, I thought we were doing a (relatively) good job of keeping things simple. 

And then I had to call my grandma and tell her I was bringing a black boy home with me for Thanksgiving (because he somehow invited himself over). 

All in all, things went really well. Though, Grams did ask why he has his hair like he does (dreads) and my grandpa asked if he was a pimp. 

It definitely could have been worse. 

I Don't Want Your Beef Jerky

Dear Men of the World,

 

I know being fit and being tan go hand-in-hand, but no one thinks a body builder tan is attractive.  I don't even know that people find body builders attractive. 

 

This is NOT cute.

 

Fortunately, what this guy has going for him is that his "tan" is likely sprayed/painted on.  He didn't spend days on end in the sun or under artificial light to get this color.  His skin doesn't look like beef jerky. 

 

Unfortunately for the guys we met on vacation, they HAD spent weeks in the sun (two) and their coloring was very similar to what you see above.  They were an interesting bunch. 

 

Their girlfriends didn't like us very much... which was ok because we didn't like their boyfriends very much, they just kept talking to us and kept ordering us drinks from the bar, so it's not like we were going to walk away.  

 

After hours of dirty looks and snide comments ("I HATE girls.") and a bucket or two of beers, we finally had enough.

 

"Have a good night guys, we're gonna go get ready for dinner, we've had our fill of beef jerky."

Girls' Trip!

Ahhh.

November is quickly becoming my second favorite month because, apparently, I like to vacation in November. 

Last year it was the roadtrip across the dirty south.

This year? Girls’ trip to Mazatlan!  

Seven days in the sun, sand, and a drink in our hand!

Ohhhh the possibilities!

Welcome Back, Basketball!

Ahhhh, my favorite day of the year. 

(Behind my birthday.  Perhaps tied with football opening day)

 

Basketball is back, bitches.

My love.

 

 

My loves.

 

 

Not a Kings post without Sign Lady!

 

and Fuck all you haters.

Why You Don't Include Your Face in Dick Pics...

Last Christmas while bored at home, one of my best friends and I (he's gay) were perusing Grindr.  Out of the blue, this guy sends a dick pic. 

We were so flabbergasted/appalled that it instantly became a joke between us (and anyone else we would randomly want to scar and send it to). 

 

Let me give you a visual without really giving you a visual:

He has the messiest Jew fro you've ever seen.

His eyes look like little beady raccoon eyes.

He's not even remotely groomed (top or bottom head).

Both nipples are pierced (missed this for the first few months- it took us a while to grow accustomed to it and able to look at it for more than 1.3 seconds.

NO man-scaping what-so-ever.

And his penis is just flaccid. 

Just hanging out.

In fact, he looks just like a dude, standing in front of someone, waiting for them to tell him what to do.

 

I have a friend who likes to send ridiculous Snapchats all the time.  Old, obese women pouring ranch on their tits on the bar (literally, bar holding up the boobs because they sag so much), white trash women with rotting teeth talking about sex while licking her lips... just utter trainwrecks.  The type of Snapchats you love to hate. 

 

Anyway, today is his birthday and I decided to send him our naked man. 

And then this happened. 

(Warning: You're about to see peen.  And it's not pretty)

 

And this is why you don't include your face in dick pics- you might end up on a blog one day. 

UGH

I feel like all of my time recently has been over-powered by Lenny.  Not that I'm necessarily complaining, I just don't know that it's going anywhere and... I'm at the point where I'm either ready for it to start going somewhere or be completely over it. 

 

We've been not-dating for three months and have grown to spend three to four nights together every week... Perhaps I'm just starting to be a girl, but I'm ready to get on with it or move on.

 

But of course, I'll never say that to him because he's still really sexy and the sex is really good.

 

But just in case things are ending, let's recap some of my favorite moments:

 

 

After a day of drinking and before a night of debauchery.

 

From my favorite day of drinking and mushrooms

 

And what my Friday nights have started to look like post Ale house. 

 

 

The End of An(other) Era

I think our Friday nights at Ale House have come to an end. 

 

 

 

I know.  Freaking crazy, right?

With all the change in security

 

We’re just not into it anymore.

So now we have to find a new bar, become regulars, and get that VIP status again.

 

Baby Fever

There’s a reason I work at Planned Parenthood: I hate babies. 

Babies are like these weird alien things that, no matter how new or hideous they are, make everyone around them turn into cooing creatures who think they’re adorable.  

 

 

 

 

And now everyone in my family is popping them out. 

My sister should be popping out her second any day now. 

My step-brother called me on Saturday to tell me that he impregnated his 40+ year old girlfriend and they’re expecting a baby in March… his first.  Her fifth. 

And yesterday, I got the dreaded call from little brother saying he knocked up his stupid girlfriend.  No seriously, she’s stupid (they both are)… no form of birth control at all.  And they can’t even pay all their own bills now, with just the two of them.  

Congratulations, Mom.  Looks like you’ll be raising another kid. 

And to that- I’ll drink.

Because I still can. 

 

We Have a Genius on our Hands!

Sometimes I don’t know if I’m a genius or if everyone around me is just a fucking idiot. 

I’m new to this coffee drinking thing, and after getting a quick rundown of how to make coffee (yes, I was that clueless) I quickly perfected best practices. 

We have one of those double warmer-coffee makers where one pot is for normal people coffee and the other pot is for decaf.  (What the fuck is the point of decaf coffee, anyway? If it doesn’t keep you awake, why drink it?!)

 

Someone watched me make coffee yesterday and actually called me a genius because I used the decaf pot to pour water into the machine…and no coffee spilled as it was being made.  …And here I am thinking that was common sense. 

 

And yes, I work with one of those people who labels EVERYTHING… because apparently the coffee pot is going to grow legs and walk away.  We need to make sure everyone knows it’s OURS. 

 

Why So Serious?

Things aren’t supposed to get serious. 

We were doing a REALLY GOOD JOB of not getting serious. 

And then we spent four nights together and have seen each other five days in a row. 

 

The weirdest part is that I’m not even getting sick of him yet… I’m just not use to spending this much time with another person.

Going For Gold... And Falling Short

If given the opportunity, or, at least when I decide I'm ready, I like to think I'd be a damn good girlfriend. 

 

Lenny was having a bad weekend (the Knights and Jags lost...again) so I thought I'd be the best and surprise him with a six pack of his favorite beer, a Calfiornia burrito, and a box of condoms.  (Seriously, what more could a guy want, right?!)

 

So there I am, walking around Ralphs (in my pajamas, sans bra because it's still hot as balls) looking for the condom aisle. Well, turns out there isn't a condom aisle, (c'mon! this was in Hillcrest!)... they had condoms... but none big enough to fit him. 

 

 

 

So I just showed up with a six pack of beer and burritos. 

 

Still awesome, but not has awesome as it could have been.

YIKES

 

 

I only have six months left of being in my twenties...

 

Time to get cray cray!

San Diego in September

Is brutal.  Eleven months out of the year, we have wonderfully perfect weather.  And then September rolls around and it's hotter than the devil's dick. 

 

 

 

It's almost 90 degrees every day, the humidity is off the charts, and no one has air conditioners.  I seriously enjoy coming to work because I'm getting paid to sit in an air conditioned building.  

 

It was so hot on Sunday I was dripping sweat laying naked on the bed in front of the fan.

 

With Lenny. 

 

 

The End of an Era

GQ has been quite the recluse this summer... but I suppose that's what happens when you're an engineer, and a model, and a grad student and all those other things. 

 

After making and breaking a million plans this summer, we finally hung out this weekend... and he broke the bad news:

He's moving to LA at the end of the month. 

I mean, yes, it's great that he landed his dream job and they made him an offer he can't refuse...but how is he supposed to fall in love with me all the way in LA?

 

 

Saved by the Ball

I feel slightly better about things now…

 

 

Lenny and I got thrown on the same kickball team again, without even trying.  In fact, we both signed up separately and agreed it would be fun to be put on different teams so we could talk shit to each other… instead, we’re now having to work together.  Hah

 

The first week was fun.  We didn’t make it too obvious at the game that there was anything going on between us.  And, until people started leaving the bar, we didn’t really make it obvious at the bar that there was something going on between us… but by the end of the night, some people knew.  Or, rather, I think they thought we were just going to hook up that night. 

 

Our second game of the season was a late game, so as a team, we decided to meet at the bar at 7:30 to start drinking and then we’d walk over afterwards.  Apparently, Lenny and I are the only ones who take drinking seriously, though, because we were the only ones who showed up on time.  Which also means that by the time we got to the park, we were drunk and holding hands…

And now the whole team knows what’s going on.  So much so, that after the game at the bar, a couple of the teammates were like, “kickball comes first, right you guys?  No matter what. ”

Of course kickball comes first.    

The Bromance Begins

I took Lenny to meet Steve & Mrs. Larsen. Had I THOUGHT about it beforehand, I probably wouldn't have... But I just figured since Lenny and Steve are both Magic fans that they needed to meet.

So we basically went on a double date at the Larsens. It was just the four of us, bbqing, hanging out, and swapping stories by the bonfire. And it was pretty perfect.

A few notable hilarious moments:

Lenny and Steve both talking about how they were going to wear their Magic gear, but didn’t want to come on “too strong” for their bromance.  When choosing between milk and dark chocolate for my s’more, I said, “I’ll go dark tonight.” And without missing a beat, Lenny said, “yeah you will.”

 

By the end of the night, Lenny and Steve had the cutest bromance developing, the dog managed to catch and not kill a possum, and I went home with a happy heart. And with Lenny.

And woke up with a text from Cole.
 

Oh, and the Navy Officer gets back next week. We'll see how that goes.

 

Throwing Me Off My Game

I thought things were going great. Nay, things were going great.

And then Friday morning I woke up to a text from Lenny that said "Hey. I think we should just be friends"

"Lol. I thought we were just friends."

"So it's cool if we continue to hang out and just keep it simple?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

And then he asked to hang out that night. 😒

Luckily, I was already busy, so we made plans for Sunday.

Coincidentally, GQ and I were planning on going to Olivia's pool on Sunday, so I just invited Lenny along.

 

 

 

 

 

It ended up being overcast and GQ bought a new dirt bike, so he didn't show up anyway... But as soon as Lenny showed up, he hugged and kissed me. 

 

 

And then we hung out all afternoon at the pool.

And then went to the bar.

And then he asked if he could stay at my house and walk home the following morning.

...This is definitely going to throw off my game.